


Gift of the Magpie

by zorilleerrant



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast), The Adventure Zone: Balance - Fandom
Genre: Gen, Pre-Canon, Taako and Lup as Teenagers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-16
Packaged: 2019-11-18 18:20:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18124820
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zorilleerrant/pseuds/zorilleerrant
Summary: Taako and Lup get back at a stuffy shopkeep.





	Gift of the Magpie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AllTheThings](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllTheThings/gifts).



Long ago, in a world not so distant from our own, though time stood still under its two glaring suns, there stood a wood, where trees of mottled gray grew densely packed, their gnarled branches twisting together like the vines that covered them, hiding the sky from sight so no more than a watery trickle of sunlight fell upon what would otherwise have been a clearing. In that shadowed circle there stood a group of rocks, arranged neatly at equidistant points. Once carefully carved, weather had marched even through this untouched place enough that the runes that had given them purpose were now worn to illegibility, but the rocks themselves were still flat enough to sit on, though barely.

In the same place the ritual fire had so often been lit, there now stood a fire lit for a much simpler purpose: to keep the two figures warm as the days drifted colder and foggier. The two elves, brother and sister, stood huddled together, speaking in small voices and they planned for the future, what food they’d scrounged together stewing in the cauldron they had set amidst the flames. They’d been looking at each other, sharing an unspoken uncertainty, when the third figure before them spoke.

“Fuck,” said the blackbird.

Taako tried to high five his sister, but she was already on the ground again, laughing as she covered her face.

“It worked,” she finally gasped, letting her brother pull her up. Then, to the bird, “fuck.”

“Fuck,” repeated the bird, obligingly.

“Amazing,” said Taako. “Astounding. Absolutely superb. You’re a real talent, my avian friend, you’re going to go places.”

The blackbird preened its wing smugly.

“I can’t believe it worked,” Lup said, still laughing, “it’s all going according to plan now. Nothing can stop us, not even fate itself.”

“Fuck,” said the bird, and Lup fed it a bit of jerky.

“Now,” said Lup, “the real question is how we get it inside the shop.”

“I can’t _believe_ what that old man said to you,” Taako said, “but we’ll see about _language_ , now won’t we?”

“You don’t care what’s appropriate in a family establishment do you?” Lup cooed, scritching the bird under the chin, “you’ll show them what’s what.”

The blackbird, for its part, leaned into the scritching, hoping for more food of some kind, or possibly one of the shiny baubles both elves seemed to wear so many of, earrings and bangles both. “Fuck,” it said, winningly.

“Will it come with us?” Taako asked.

Lup cocked her head, sizing up their newest partner in crime. “What was that spell, the one about teaching an animal where to go?”

Pulling open his backpack, Taako rummaged through it, coming up empty except for a stale piece of bread. (He made a face and tossed it to their new friend.) Dragging Lup’s backpack to him, he looked through that instead, finding the spellbook they had liberated from the last group of people who had a problem with one or both of them.

“I think,” said Lup, “it needs a name. Would you like a name, Little Bastard?”

“You can’t name it that,” said Taako, aghast, “what if you hurt its feelings? That Little Bastard’s got to help us with our plan, you know.”

“Bastard,” the blackbird said, crunching the bit of bread.

Lup smirked at her brother. “There. It likes it.”

“Fuck,” Little Bastard said, tilting its head.

Lup tapped the page in the book. “That one.” She carried it over to the closest rock so they could both see it as they clasped their hands in the complicated pattern illustrated, and stumbled over the inscription underneath. Their hands glowed blue for an instant, then seemingly nothing at all.

Little Bastard, for its part, looked curiously in front of itself, then hopped forward tentatively, trekking a short ways before settling down to preen. Every now and then it turned to check on its elf companions again.

“It worked,” the twins breathed in unison.

Bookmarking the page and shoving it hastily into her backpack, Lup coaxed Little Bastard back toward them with another piece of jerky. “In the backpack,” she said, holding Taako’s bag open, “come on, hop in.”

The blackbird gave her a distrustful look and took a hop backwards.

Taako leaned over to whisper, “maybe we should just carry it?”

Lup picked the bird up, to only mild protest, and set it down on her shoulder. “Now stay there,” she told it. “You have to stay on my shoulder, do you understand?”

“Fuck,” it agreed.

“How do you know its going to listen to you?” Taako whispered.

Lup grinned, and whispered back, “fake it ‘til you make it, baby.”

“Fake,” Little Bastard agreed.

“Rude,” Lup told it.

“Bastard,” said the bird.

The pair walked slowly, so as not to jostle their avian companion overly much, and soon came to an end to the wood, and a small dirt path along which many carts had previously traveled, though there were none there now. The path, being made to accommodate horse-drawn carriages, was not overly narrow, though it did wind a ways down the hill. The small group traversed it in comfort, the two elves having stayed in this place for some weeks now, and the bird having not a care one way or the other as it got a ride to the place well known for food scraps. Soon they found their way to the village.

The village itself was a usual thing, a small fountain having been made of the well at the center of the marketplace, and houses off to the sides. The streets were cobbled now in most places, and the twins took a moment to breathe in the lingering scent of fresh bread, thinking perhaps to beg some before they returned to their camp for the night. For now, though, they had a purpose, a higher calling to attend to.

“Do you see that store?” Taako asked, snapping his fingers to get the bird’s attention. “Hey, hey. That store, do you see it, Little Bastard?”

“Bastard,” the bird said, confused more than anything.

“The General Goods store,” Taako said, undeterred. “Do you see it?”

Lup pulled out the book again, propping it against the nearest house as she sidled behind it. “Let’s just use the spell again.”

“Pay attention here,” Taako told Little Bastard gravely, “it all falls apart if you fuck it up now. And we’ve been waiting days. Days of planning down the drain.”

Lup snickered softly as she listened to him.

The spell went smoothly enough, faster this time as they completely the now familiar gestures and chant, and Little Bastard, knowing what to expect, was happy enough to fly through an open window. The pair waited patiently for any sign of trouble, but when minutes passed and nothing happened, they began to grow worried.

“Maybe we should check on it?” Lup asked.

Taako nodded. “Maybe it forgot the plan.”

Straightening their clothes and trying to look as nonchalant as possible, the pair made their way over to the general store.

“I say, sister,” Taako said loudly, pushing the door open, “what good deals this store has, what reasonable pricing for many different and necessary products.”

“Why, yes, brother,” Lup said, following her brother inside, “and such a wide selection, too, surely wider than most towns of this size, a great success of a store.”

Spying the blackbird, Taako shuffled over to it, hissing, “what’s the hold up, friend, I thought you were okay with this plan?”

“Fuck,” the bird said, loudly.

“Ex _cuse me?_ ” boomed a voice from the back of the store.

“Good job,” Taako said quickly, moving away from Little Bastard as fast as he could.

“Split up,” Lup told him, as she slipped behind the nearest shelf.

The two stayed long enough to hear the beginnings of an argument between the bird and the old man who ran the shop, growing louder and louder, and forming an unfortunate and _hilarious_ feedback loop as the shopkeep began to swear back at the bird.

The two met at their campsite a short time later, both adding a handful more to the stew as they checked it over again.

“Mixed success,” Lup said, “but I think overall it went well.”

Taako smiled at her. “There is something that I think you might like. A one of a kind necklace I managed to find while we were there.” He pulled it out to show her.

“It can’t be,” Lup said, “I found something, too. A one of a kind necklace I thought _you_ might like.” She held it up to his. They were identical.

The twins gasped. “That scam artist!”

The two sat in silence a while, wondering whether they should tell someone, and if so, who. After all, the necklaces were just a little bit stolen. Eventually, a bird flew into the clearing, landing across from them.

“Little Bastard!” Lup said, cheerfully, “you’re back!”

“Have to pay for that!” the blackbird responded.

With a glance at each other, both of the elves dutifully handed over their necklaces.

Pleased with this, Little Bastard carried them over to its growing pile of shells and other trinkets. “Fuck,” it told them, and settled down onto its hoard.

The elves slept well that night, bellies full of stew and minds full of triumph over evil, and wrapped in one more blanket than they’d had the night before, wondering if they should invite Little Bastard to travel with them. Good friends were hard to come by, and even if it had gotten cold feet for a while, it had followed through on the plan in the end. Either way, they would get by. After all, they had each other, and they were good out here.


End file.
